deadmonton 2010 - jayden and connor mcconnell

As reporters were late in arriving and details of the death had yet to emerge, many interviewed seemed surprised and shocked.

Next door neighbour Cory Mallory seemed to be caught off guard.

"Oh man ... I'm not sure what to expect to be honest," he said.

According to another neighbour, a public argument preceded the arrival of police.

"I did see [them] arguing outside," Jody McBain said. "They were running across the street with no coats on."

Fifteen minutes later, McBain saw the father sitting alone on his front porch – screaming and crying into a cellphone.

Note: what McBain likely witnessed was the father of the two boys and a neighbour making the discovery of the bodies.

The family, who kept to themselves, had moved into the neighbourhood in December 2008.

"He seemed like a really pleasant man," Doug Morris said of the father who he often saw working in the front yard.

"I thought they were a lovely couple with lovely children," Colin Smith said. "They appeared to have everything."

The house, surrounded by lit Christmas lights, yellow crime scene tape and a heavy police presence, made for a surreal spectacle in the normally quiet town.

"It's very scary," neighbour Megan Kgos said. "This never happens in Millet."

A van from the medical examiner office arrived overnight to pick up the bodies and tranport them back to Edmonton.

As morning came, crime scene tape was wrapped around the residence and a memorial made up of teddy bears started to form near in a snowbank.

Particular interest was taken in a truck parked out front.

"Horrific," she recalled. "He was crying, 'My wife just killed the kids.'

"He was hysterical. I've never seen him like that. At first I didn't believe him.

"I went over with him. I ran up into the bathroom, turned on the light.

"He had already pulled them out of the tub. There was nothing we could do.

"They were laying on the bathroom floor. I'll never get that image out of my mind.

"I could see they were both dead. I touched one just to make sure.

"As soon as he pulled them out of the tub, he would've known they were cold and stiff."

(In a pair of letters to the editor published February 6th, the Edmonton Sun was taken to task for the nature of its front-page coverage - Last Link).

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They were born 18 days apart in November 1978. Curtis Barry McConnell, in Calgary; Allyson Louise Meager in Gosford, Australia. In November 2005, when they were 27, they met while Allyson was in Canada on a work visa.

By September 2006 they were living together. They married on January 26th, 2007 in New South Wales, Australia.

Allyson was granted Canadian residency (fast-tracked because of her marriage) in April 2007. Connor Ryan was born three months later on July 31st and Jayden Blair was born on March 24th, 2009. Both boys were born in Millet.

The marriage came apart in September 2009 when Allyson said she wasn't happy. The couple decided to separate. When Curtis filed divorce papers, Allyson filed a counter-claim and insisted on taking the boys to Australia.

Court documents indicate Curtis didn't like the idea.

"Recently, the respondent has been threatening me that she wants to move back to Australia with our children. I am completely opposed to this and I am fearful that she will attempt to do this without my consent or knowledge," he wrote in a sworn affidavit filed December 11th, 2009.

"As such, I have taken our children's passports for safe keeping," Curtis wrote. "She has gone to the extent of applying for our children's Australian citizenship and then I believe she will be applying for a passport, which makes me uncomfortable."

Curtis also claimed the children would be living with Allyson's 74-year-old mother, now in poor health, and Allyson’s sister, who he alleged had been jailed for drug dealing.

"I am concerned about this for obvious reasons and do not want my children around her," he stated.

In Allyson's statement of defence filed January 15th, 2010, it was noted that "the defendant has limited family contacts in Alberta," adding that she "has a broad network of support in Australia" and "would be entitled to significant government financial support should she return to Australia" where she would have better professional opportunities.

Allyson also claimed the children suffered from medical conditions that would benefit from living in a warmer climate.

Curtis stated he was seeking joint custody. But if Allyson preferred to leave Canada, he wanted sole custody. Allyson countered, promising reasonable and generous access if she moved.

Counselling failed, and despite the acrimony the couple continued to live together after the November 15th, 2009 separation.

Curtis slept in the basement until a December 21st court decision forced him to leave. He then stayed with his parents outside of Millet (some sources indicated he had found an apartment in Edmonton).

That court decision also gave primary residential care of the children to Allyson with an unexplained caveat that "the parties shall ensure the children are not exposed to any medication while in their care."

According to Curtis, he was as much responsible for caring for the children as his wife, waking the boys each morning and getting them ready for the day before he worked the 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. shift at Home Hardware’s Western Distribution Centre on the outskirts of nearby Wetaskiwin.

He worked full-time and according to court records his annual salary was about $47,000. He was paying $657 in monthly child support, in addition to home expenses such as the mortgage on the newly-built house, property tax, utilities and insurance.

Allyson was ordered by a judge not to leave the country, and for the meantime the children were to stay in Alberta. The mother was left in Millet without family or an income.

She had previously worked for Varco Oil in Millet in the payroll department but was currently on maternity leave.

A family friend said Allyson strongly wanted to go back to Australia.

"I know she wanted to but the lawyers told her she couldn't leave Millet. She couldn't even find work here so she felt really trapped," a neighbour said.

"He filed for divorce in fear, really," close family friend Cara Rotenburger said of Curtis.

"Because he didn't want his kids – because they had dual citizenship – he didn't want his kids leaving the country and him never seeing them again.

"He thought 'the only way for me to keep my kids in the country is for me to file for divorce and freeze their passports.' "

With police tight-lipped, and no one from the McConnell family coming forward, those visting the memorial had to run a gauntlet of cameras and microphones.

"I just felt like I kind of ... had to," one woman responded, likely to the question why?

"They all deserve some sort of respect no matter what went on. It's just too bad and I just feel sorry for everybody that is involved ... it's just very sad."

"Every mother in this town is absolutely devasted right now," a woman said.

"My heart sank," Michelle Schmidt said. "My heart goes out to the family and I think the whole town is just in shock right now."

A couple close to the father was trying to come to grips with the news.

"I can't imagine," Holly Blakely said, "... how someone could do something or ... little kids don't deserve treatment like that, no."

"It's pretty intense and pretty sad ... not something everyone expects," Graham Blakely said.

"It is really sad. I really don't know what happened," Bobbi Trotter offered.

"It is a tragedy. It doesn't matter who you are it's a tragedy," Deb noted.

"A good friend of mine babysat them," Dawn Trent said. "It's our little town. It can happen anywhere ... it can happen to anybody.

"And it's hard everyday ... and I just feel bad for their family."

"It's just mind-blowing because I have two children msyelf," Jacqui Nichols said. "It's horrible to think of what happened."

Many in Millet knew the couple and their children.

"Especially Connor," Sheri Kinslow said, "I've seen the baby a couple times ... I can't sleep at night because I just hear kids screaming."

"It does affect everybody," Jean Claude Ouellet said. "It affect me ... that's why I wanted to give my part."

"We heard the news ... it was crazy." said. "We got some flowers and stuff from family and friends and we just decided to drop off some of our flowers here for the memorial."

"It's just ... beyond," Pam's husband Jason said. "It's just evil."

"It kind of shocks you because we live in a really quiet community," neighbour Doreen Thiessen said.

"Pray for them," another neighbour said. "All I can say is pray for them."

"You feel safe and secure here, and when you see stuff like that it – I don't know – a lot of things go through your mind."

"I thought, 'Oh God.' Young kids, just unreal," Bob said, shocked at the news. "I guess life goes on. If we dwell on this – we can't do much about it. It's done."

"My mother in Montreal said, 'Please put a teddy bear for me and the family,' " Lucie Riopel said. "Just for support for the family. It's so awful."

"It's a small town," Millet Mayor Dave Gursky offered, explaning the outpouring. "It's almost like a family."

Cameramen filled the time between visits to the memorial composing poignant shots.

Post mortem examinations confirms deaths to be homicides

Post mortem examinations conducted in Edmonton over the past two days have enabled the Medical Examiner to determine that the deaths of Jayden McConnell, age 10 months and Connor McConnell, age 2.5 years, should be treated as homicide investigations.

It is believed that both children died in their Millet residence. Investigators are not releasing the cause of death at this time, as this may have a negative impact on the ongoing investigational efforts.

RCMP are very much aware of information being carried by various media outlets, many of whom are eager for us to confirm many of the details.

All investigations are subject to tried and proven investigational protocols, legislative and court limitations and aspect of privacy legislation that limits what can be released into the public domain.

The public's need for information in tragic cases such as this is recognized and acknowledged.

RCMP investigators strive to provide the pubic with as much information, when it is possible to make public disclosures in a manner that will not result in: negative impacts on investigational processes, violate Canadian statutes, or result in additional undue negative impact on victims or their loved ones.

The vast majority of information gathered in any criminal investigation becomes part of the public record when it is entered as evidence through the courts.

Investigators continue to pursue all avenues of the investigational process. While still in the early stages of this homicide investigation, to date no one has been arrested or detained and no charges have been sworn.

The withholding of details led to questions from reporters hungry for specifics.

"Investigators are not releasing the cause of death at this time as this may have a negative impact on the ongoing investigational efforts," RCMP spokesman Cpl. Wayne A. Oakes explained.

"Often times when we're conducting an investigation of this nature certain details will be withheld and cause of death is one such example where investigators will withhold that information for investigative reasons."

"(Curtis) got a call from the Edmonton Police Service stating that Ally McConnell was in the hospital, to which he responded 'Where are my children?' "

When police told him the boys were with a babysitter or neighbour, Rotenburger said Curtis rushed to his home to check.

"(He) went in and looked around for his kids. And they weren't in their rooms or anywhere.

"And then this door is locked and shut. He didn't know what's going on because his kids aren't anywhere in the house, and there's a door that's not normally used, shut and locked.

"He went into a bathroom that they don't use and found his kids ... floating in a tub of water. He pulled them out and laid them out onto the floor and then he ran and got his neighbour.

"He was on the phone, screaming his head off, asking, 'Why?' " Rotenburger recalled.

Asked how Curtis was now doing, "Yeah, he's in shock," she said.

"I think he's just ... he really, honestly, can't get the picture and the feeling of his two angels not alive out of his head."

Rotenburger also spoke about the two boys.

"They had great lives. They had a loving father. I believe Ally was a good mother, too.

"The kids were extremely well-loved. I could never see anything but love in that family. Connor was a very happy, happy kid. And he can only be a happy kid when you're loved.

"I just don't know enough to say that she was the best mom I ever knew," she said cryptically.

Later, Jason McConnell added to Cara's story. He said his brother got a call from police at the University Hospital telling him Allyson had fallen off a bridge.

"It was unclear with the original call what exactly had happened. His first reaction was: Where are the kids?" Jason said.

The 9 News story can be seen here and the video can also be seen here.

Edmonton and area citizenry were suddenly subjected to a hall of mirrors as media covered media (add this website to the mix and you have yet a third layer).

A half-dozen local crews – many of whom had camped out for three days straight to provide up-to-the-minute reportage and multiple daily live hits – were seemingly gob-smacked when they asked their Oz counterparts, "Gosh ... what's the big deal?"

"Australia's only a small country," Peter Stefanovic of Channel 9 News explained to CBC Edmonton. "So whenever Australians are in the news it makes headlines.

"When the story broke it was lead story. It's still lead story 24 hours later and I'm sure it will dominate the headlines until the case is finished."

Stefanovic figured he was sent to Millet because a number of his producers back in Australia were mothers and they felt the story needed to be told.

(That Australian news editorial policy was maternalistic in nature seemed refreshingly at odds with the country's normally rugged reputation – Last Link).

"It is huge," Emma Dallimore of Network 10 Australia exclaimed to CTV Edmonton as if needing to sell the story.

"Beautiful, quaint, snowy little Canadian town and here's this Australian woman who, at now at least, appears to be at the centre of this horrible story."

"It was imperative for us to come out here and have a dig around ourselves and try to find what's going on with her," Dallimore pitched to Global Edmonton.

"My understanding is they were married in Australia and came here to raise her family with her Canadian husband ... it's a tragic story, so tragic."

Speaking to the Edmonton Sun, Dallimore said that because Allyson was from Australia, the story "impacted" their viewers back home.

"Here's this woman who met a Canadian man, they had two little boys living in a snowy little Canadian town and something wasn't right," she said.

"Whatever's happened, it's shocking and it does resonate with people at home."

Dallimore told the Edmonton Journal she had just spent a week in Haiti before flying up to cover the McConnell story.

She said the "tragic" story resonated with people back home and that she and cameraman Mark Chapman came up to "see this story through."

Dallimore said the Australian angle was Allyson and what happens to her as the story unfolds.

No doubt a few Fosters were raised and tales were shared after tape was uplinked back home and respective reporters all had filed their stories for the day.

"We have a reporter there who says there are clothes on the line, and washing in the sink, but nobody is home," Caroline Overington, journalist with The Australian newspaper, told peers in Edmonton.

"Media is swarming there."

Most of Allyson's immediate family, including her mother and sister Christine Meager (who Curtis said was soon to be released from jail due to drug charges), still live in the city of more than 150,000 about 80 kilometres north of Sydney.

A man who answered the phone at a number listed for Helen Meager declined to say how Allyson was doing.

"We're not commenting at the moment," he said, adding "Thanks."

The two men declined invitations to make comment.

Pastor Wayne Jorstad said it was difficult to prepare for this type of service.

"I think it's going to be a very emotional service. Under the circumstances, it will be very difficult.

"Certainly the talk of many is the concern for the family and that they are in our prayers as well as many other churches and community members.

"We talk with people, just trying to understand where they're coming from and caring for them and reminding them of God's presence even in the darkest of hours.

"We want to support this family," he said.

Jorstad understood the church would be filled to capacity.

"They told us to expect at least 600. Someone said to me to have a lot of Kleenexes," he said.

(Announced plans to have the service live-streamed on the R.I.P Connor and Jayden McConnell Facebook site did not materialise).

"This is affecting a lot of people who have no clue who we are," Jason McConnell said. "We really appreciate everyone's support and understand that people want to do something to help, but what do you do?"

Reverend Tim Wray of Millet's St. Peter Lutheran Church was set to officiate.

Laying to rest would take place in the Millet Cemetery just south of town.

"I believe that will be completely private, family-only," Lisa Sinclair-Smith, assistant chief administrative officer of Millet, told media.

Town administrator Teri Pelletier offered her thoughts as to what a large turnout would mean to the family.

"I would hope that that kind of support for the family would just help them try to get through this very difficult time," Pelletier said.

"I know all of the thoughts and prayers of all staff and council of the Town of Millet are with the family right now."

Mayor Gursky said he spoke to one of the boys' uncles and offered his condolences on the town's behalf.

"He said they were just having a really tough time and Curtis basically is just trying to hang in there," he said.

"A father who's just lost two kids and then the circumstances behind it, it's very overwhelming for him."

Curtis spoke first with Network Ten reporter Emma Dallimore by telephone.

"Allyson is receiving psychiatric assessment in hospital" and "she is all alone in isolation," he said.

Curtis also spoke of his two sons.

"My kids were half-Canadian and half-Australian," he said.

"They loved the snow here, and loved the beach and sand and waves in Australia."

Jim McConnell, the boys' grandfather, told the Melbourne-based Herald Sun that the family felt sorry for Allyson's relatives because it was a "double whammy" for them.

"It's pretty rough. It's hard to deal with," he told the publication. "All we know is that two kids are gone.

"They were two healthy kids and we loved them very much."

Jayden and Connor's godparents, Garth and Crystal Rapson, who had a son born six weeks before Connor, issued a written statement urging people to give the family and the boys "the honour and respect that they deserve."

"Many people were blessed to have Connor and Jayden touch their lives. This is a deeply sorrowful time.

"Please remember this is very real to many people and the grieving has just started.

"Remember them. They were loving boys filled with joy, laughter and love for their family and friends. They were always smiling and laughing.

"Connor loved to get dirty and be active and play chase games and he loved his little friends. Jayden loved to eat and was making discoveries and growing daily.

"I reached out to Ally a few times but she felt I was too close to the situation.

"If you are a parent or a person who needs mental health support, please be strong enough to seek and accept the help that is available to you.

The Edmonton Journal reported that family members told them Curtis had repeatedly tried to call his wife at the University of Alberta Hospital but was advised she was under a police watch.

While Curtis wasn't able to speak to Allyson, Allyson was successful in speaking with prominent Edmonton criminal defence lawyer Peter Royal.

Allyson's mother and sister were currently on their way from Australia to be at her side. It remained to be seen if Allyson's sister – convicted of drug dealing, according to courts affadavits filed by Curtis – would be admitted into Canada.

"We do feel for her family," Curtis' older brother Jason said. "They must be feeling absolutely horrible about this situation."

Allyson had always been "a loving, caring mother, always protecting and looking after [the boys]," he recalled, adding it was unlikely she would attend the upcoming funeral.

"The whole reason for this was for well wishes. We are now monitoring the site to make sure we delete and report these comments," Wesenberg told CBC Edmonton.

As a result, Wesenberg announced that the site's "Wall" commenting feature would be disabled during overnight hours.

One by one, candles were lit. The shared flame slowly made its way through the smaller-than-anticipated crowd of about 125 which included many children not much older than the two boys they were honouring.

It was thought most in the area had decided on coming into town only on Saturday to attend the funeral service.

Vicki Pyle, wearing a symbolic white ribbon, addressed the group and offered her thoughts.

"These candles symbolise many things. They light up the darkness like a nightlight that brings hope to a child in the darkest of nights.

"Light can burn brightly, but can be extinguished so quickly.

"All together, assembled like this, they're a symbol of our community, and its willingness to come together and support one of its members in their time of need.

"We're here for the family, we're here for the boys, and we're here for each other, and we're here for ourselves.

"Whatever your reason is for being here today, it can mean that Connor and Jayden's names will live forever on in our hearts.

"It will mean we will always remember that no child should fall victim to this, that nobody should ever feel like they have nobody to turn to.

"There's no counting the tears that have been shed by strangers, friends and family who have been affected by this loss.

"Whether we knew the family or not, and whether we can comprehend how they must be feeling, we can all agreee the sadness is overwhelming."

After a moment of silence, the march proceeded to the boys' home where many placed their still-burning candles within the ever-growing memorial in the snow.

The procession ended at the town's community centre where a private function was held for friends and family.

Candles, donated by local merchants, were available for a monetary donation, with proceeds going to both families.

Millet Mayor Dave Gursky reflected on the positive effect of the vigil.

"Communities can come together and unfortunately it takes sometimes different events to do that ... and it this case, because this event is so tragic," Gursky said.

"I always tell people it's really important to let people know that they're not alone, whether it's a smile, a wave, a honk of your horn. Nobody wants to be alone ... it's important to know that there's somebody out there."

"It felt good to be in there showing my support for the father ... what he's going through," Orville Kellert said, his voice shaking.

Denise, who pushed her 16-month-old grandson in a stroller during the march, said when she heard news of the deaths, "I went and hugged him. They didn't even get to live life ... it's heartbreaking."

Leann Melan said the deaths upset many in the community.

"Everyone feels sorry for the boys," she said. "It's not a good thing for someone to do something like that [to] two boys, two little ones. That's just sick for anybody to do it."

Speaking to media later, Vicki Pyle, who organised the event along with other mothers of the Millet Little Pips play group, explained the motivation behind the vigil.

"I just want the family to know we stand behind them," she said.

"This was something that we could do as a community to show that we care and symbolize how something like this can affect you, even if you're not directly involved.

"It's a way for us to grieve as well."

Reflecting on the turnout, Pyle was pleased.

"It was absolutely beautiful to see that line of lights flickering in the distance."

At a midget hockey game that also took place in the town the same evening, a moment of silence was observed.

Family, friends and complete strangers were greeted by a pair of child-sized tractors that flanked church doors.

Cradled in the seat of one (somewhat fortuitously placed), a program of the day's service.

Filing past photos of the two boys set up in the foyer, mourners signed a guest book and filled the church to near capacity.

Reverend Tim Wray of Millet's St. Peter Lutheran Church told those in attendance that while Jayden and Connor's lives were short, they were not meaningless.

"They will never be forgotten by their loving family. My heart aches for them.

"Anyone who has lost a child has so many questions and so few answers.

With his words, Reverend Wray tried to comfort those in attendance by saying their pain and confusion would ease over time and be replaced with understanding.

There will be times, Wray said, when members of the McConnell and Meager families will "long for the privilege of changing another diaper, to wipe up Jayden's slobber, to step on one more of Connor's toys ...

"Oh for the chance to read your boys a book, to throw them in the air and catch them, the opportunity to do the simple things every parent takes for granted."

Wray said it was a time for coming together to heal.

"Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Anyone who knew Allyson can attest that she sacrificed so much for the boys. Now in this lonely darkness, she, too, is lost.

"People are lashing out, casting judgments. Who knew that she was living in such a place of darkness? It was not supposed to go this way.

"Over and over we run the story through our minds looking for clues that we could have picked up on, the words that might have changed things, hints that we've been living in a dream and this whole nightmare might just go away.

"It's natural, a part of being human ... but try as we might, we are helpless to change what has happened.

"So many questions and no answers that will satisfy that will bring boys back to life, but in faith we put our trust in God who is bigger than death and that brings much peace and much hope in a time when there are no answers."

Jayden and Connor's father Curtis spoke of his sorrow.

"I miss them so much," he said. "I am so proud and so so blessed to have them in my life.

"My boys were just so beautiful, so full of promise. Even if their lives were cut short, I'm so grateful for the time I've had.

"I wouldn't trade one memory away if it ended the pain. The memories are so strong and so full of joy.

"I'm gonna miss them so much. The pain is just so strong."

Curtis spoke of the simple things like holding his boys, seeing them share toys and enjoying each other's company.

He also thanked the community for their support and kind messages – such as those posted on the Facebook memorial page set up by a local teen in his sons' honour.

At the time of the funeral, membership on the social networking site reached 21,000.

"I am so grateful for everyone's prayers and thoughts," he said.

Aunt Ronalee McConnell read a tribute written by the boy's grandmother, Audrey McConnell.

"Connor, you were the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.

"You were such a good boy. I know we are crying a lot now, but one day we will only smile when we remember all the things you did and said.

"We can only say we love you so much it hurts."

The grandmother remembered Connor's younger brother Jayden as a boy with an easy smile, bright blue eyes and “the reddest hair I’ve ever seen.

“We will always love you, and you will always be in our dreams.”

Ronalee McConnell also read a tribute on behalf of Jim McConnell.

"I thank the Lord and Connor's parents for bringing him into the world and making me a grandfather. Our time was short. I will love you forever."

Connor and Jayden were Audrey and Jim's first grandchildren.

A poem of love and longing was published in a church bulletin.

The little ones we longed for were swiftly here and gone
But the love that was then planted is a light that still shines on
And though our arms are empty, our hearts know what to do
Every beating of our hearts says that we love you.

After the service, Reverend Wray spoke to media.

"It's a time for deep mourning but Curtis said himself he's so blessed to have had these two boys ... he would not trade a day," Wray said.

"It is a mix of deep sorrow and gratitude and questioning.

"So many questions and there are no answers that will satisfy ... no answers that will bring the boys back to life.

The young man of the cloth added a personal note.

"Connor was the first baptism I ever presided over and now Connor is the first funeral."

The toddlers' grandmother and aunt on Allyson's side from Australia were also in attendance. After the service, they walked out hand-in hand with nearly two dozen McConnell family members at their side.

Allyson remained in hospital under a mental health order.

With the grieving families out of reach, media spoke instead to some who attended the service including one woman who shared her own story of loss – read more »

"I pray for the family that they will find peace," Emma Schmidt said. Of the pain involved, offered sympathy.

"It's impossible ... we lost a son of our own so I know exactly what they must be going through."

"All of a sudden this happened ... it's hard to believe," Howard Knapp said.

"And now I got a granddaughter and just to look at the pictures there it's hard to take. I hope nothing happens to her.

"It's a great loss in Millet because everybody is one family ... it's unbelievable."

Jayden and Connor were laid to rest in the Millet Cemetery during a private ceremony held before the public service in Wetaskiwin.

That the week had finally ended and that the boys were now at peace came as a relief to many who endured the presence of so many strangers in their town.

"It's overwhelming," Millet resident Ingred Dubyk said.

"It's almost like nobody talks about it because it's too much to bear. It's been very, very hard on everybody."